Haven’t posted in forever, but just to give you a clue:
I interviewed for a job in Texas, got it on the spot, went home, graduated, packed in less than 2 weeks, left and started my new job in the same weekend. I have been here almost 3 months and while trying to adjust, my life has been turned on it’s side, not upside down and hopefully it won’t get there.
There’s someone who has been in and out of my life for quite some time and this would be the time I need them closer then ever and it’s not gonna happen… Sometimes when you leave, you need to take a few with you, but you just can’t and it seems really unfair… So unfair you want to throw a tantrum like a 2 year old child. The sad thing is when you have both been in denial for such a long time it’s hard to see what is right in front of you. I guess all I can do is sit and wait, again… All I can do is hope
“I’m not fascinated by people who smile all the time. What I find interesting is the way people look when they are lost in thought, when their face becomes angry or serious, when they bite their lip, the way they glance, the way they look down when they walk, when they are alone and smoking a cigarette, when they smirk, the way they half smile, the way they try and hold back tears, the way when their face says they want to say something but can’t, the way they look at someone they want or love… I love the way people look when they do these things. It’s… beautiful.”
It always used to be so easy especially when things got tough, now that I have people back in my life and everything is going well, I now have to uproot and move again. I haven’t completely processed everything and I’m running myself into the ground. I’m losing my voice, not getting enough sleep and honestly trying to figure out if I’m going to “take” everyone with me or leave a few behind. I only struggle because I want everything to be fine, everyone to move with me and my life to be perfect, but that doesn’t exist so I’ll figure it out and take what I can get.
Life is truly interesting. After attending a funeral today, I realized even throughout the service, I heard things I needed to help me through this process. I’m struggling with a couple of relationships, but truly grateful for others. I’m honestly upset about having to say goodbye to a few that have come back into my life and I’m just not sure how I’m going to handle everything once it has sunk in. Texas is my second home, I know it’s where I want to be and where I want to belong…
On another note, I’m realizing how pissed off I am about having manipulative people in my life and I wish they would just get what they want/need and take a fucking hike! I need answers and need to share some and it’s time to just move on
“I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn’t guarantee that others will be good people, too. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.”